Ohio Ranked at 45th on the Happiness Index

On Nov. 6, 2009, the misery index peaked. The cause was attributed to too many Democrats winning elections. Soon after, masses of Ohioans were visiting their doctors asking for tranquilizers or Prozac to numb the cataclysmic consequences of Democratic control of the economy. The misery index didn’t just peak it burst the barometer.

The folks on MainStreet have devised a new barometer to measure our financial misery. Instead of calling a misery index, they have taken a more positive and patriotic approach. They now measure our happiness via our economic misery the supposed lack thereof.

The folks on MainStreet make a reasonable argument for a happiness index.

“We all know that money alone can’t buy happiness, but having a job, home and enough money to cover your basic budgetary needs is a good start.

“The Happiness Index, which looks at household income, debt, employment and foreclosures, is a fresh take on the old and tired Misery Index, made popular in the 1970s. The Misery Index takes into account unemployment and inflation rates and seeks to identify the most financially miserable places to live.

“The Happiness Index, on the other hand, is all about which states are best weathering the current economic storm.”

Who can argue against chucking the Misery Index for one that is not so personal but is rather only about the financial misery or happiness of states. After all, states are only made up of things like individuals and people. Stuff like animals, bugs, plants, stupid buildings, and the like are just colorful ornaments.

Anyway, as the title of this post indicates, the state of Ohio must be feeling pretty unhappy. Out of 50 states–that is those in the U.S.–Ohio’s place in the economic rat race to happiness is almost at the bottom. The folks on MainStreet ranked Ohio at an overwhelmingly depressive 45.

If the trend holds, the government will want to give Ohio doctors and drugs companies a gigantic stimulus package to put Ohioans on Prozac, Ritalin, or some other wonder working drugs to keep Ohioans on-track to happy prosperity.

Lest I become the first patient, let me return to the hard work of the folks on Main Street.com. Their efforts are meant to show us poor Ohioans how a low percent of our portion of the multiple trillions of dollars of debt outside of our loans on home and other property, how a low percentage of unemployed, and how low number of foreclosures per household makes our state a happy one.

Being an analytical ole’ cuss, I see something rather interesting. Most happy state in dis-union is Nebraska. On the “non-mortgage debt as a percent of income” category, the happiest state was at 29.2% while poor miserable Ohio was at 33.9%. That’s a meager difference of only 4.7%. On the “unemployment category, the happy, happy state has an unemployment rate of 4.2% while our depressed state has an unemployment rate of 9.4%. That is a small difference that equates to many thousands times of unhappiness. On the last category called “one foreclosure per number of households,” Nebraska is on a high of about 25,187 while Ohio suffers severe withdrawals of 452. These increasingly troublesome differences can mean only one of three things:
(1) Warren Buffet, a Nebraskan, is paying for these results. (2) The high Nebraskan who sits on a mountain of paper gold is bailing-out his would-be miserable state. Or, (3) Ohio is among the kings of bad mortgage loans to people wanting desperately to participate in the American Dream while still hallucinating on the welfare drug–or something similar.

In my opinion, Ohioans need less stimulants and more real food. Government is not capable of creating or maintaining a healthy diet or a healthy economy for all or even most citizens. That is because too many of state representatives are high on drugs like power, lobby money, and other items of special interest.

Source: MainStreet, April 6, 2009.

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